Odes to the Tube: Silly Whimsy for Silky
COCKLES & WINKLES & WHIRLIGIG WHELKS
Cockles & Winkles & Whirligig Whelks
are the delicatessen of Mooses & Elks.
But I fancy this greed for *'les p'tit fruits des mers'
is disgustingly true too for Grizzly Bears!
And I feel pretty sure that the rude Gerenuk,
given half a chance
will also eat
(Dear Tube. *This is French for 'seafood' and it is pronounced 'lay pa tea free day mayor'. Do remember it when you show off in restaurants. ps. It is a little known fact but you will speak much better French if you make your mouth as small as possible.)
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORMS
I've often wondered why worms are worms,
instead of something else.
They're much too soft to be rhinos,
and too slow to be graceful gazelles.
They'd be No-Good-At-All as lions.
'cos they haven't got big teeth.
(But I bet sometimes they'd like to be...
deep... down - underneath.)
They'd be Next-To-Useless as chickens,
'cos none of the worms have a beak.
They'd make fairly rotten mices
'cos none of the worms can squeak.
I believe quite a few would prefer to be sharks,
though none of the worms can swim.
And then again, there's the 'big teeth problem',
and, of course, that dorsal fin.
Worms are much too pink to be frightening,
and even the big ones are shy.
They pretend to be snakes but they can't stay awake,
and if they see lightning, they cry.
It's well known that worms are escapists,
but sensible worms comes to terms,
with the fact (there's no doubt -
and they can't wriggle out!)
Worms do make the very best Worms.
HAS SUCH A GREAT BIG BULGING BOTTOMUS,
HE GOES FROM STORE TO STORE TO STORE,
TRYING ON HATS OF EXTRAORDINARY STRAW!
A FAT LADY SAID: "THERE ARE SUCH A LOT OF US -
WITH HORRIBLE GREAT BIG BULGING BOTTOMUS -
I NEVER GET TROUSERS TO FIT, D'YOU?"
THE HIPPO SAID: "NO"
AND STUMPED HOME TO THE ZOO.
THE HIPPO SWANKS FOR MILES AND MILES,
EXHIBITING HUGE TUSKY SMILES.
HIS EXTRAORDINARY HATS OF EXTRAORDINARY STRAW
ARE A SOURCE OF WONDERFUL JOKES & AWE.
SCHOOLCHILDREN WATCHING THE HIPPO SWANK -
SHOUT: "WHY DO YOU DO IT?
ARE YOU A CRANK?"
THEN THE HIPPO REPLIES:
"I'M JUST HAVING FUN & IF YOU LAUGH TOO -
THEN THERE'S NO HARM DONE!"
DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE SO SERIOUSLY -
HIP, HIPPO - (ray) HILARIOUSLY.